She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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