i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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