She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
