somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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