Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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