you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
