im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
