I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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