I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
not ubering you a puppy
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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