Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would fuck him just for his dog
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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