You just made me feel so damn special
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
