Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
