Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize