you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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