You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
