this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
