he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
