just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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