I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
