Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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