we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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