I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wear drunk well.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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