He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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