ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just gift wrapped bread.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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