As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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