Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
