Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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