Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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