how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
