turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
