I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
