K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
