NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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