You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
