Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
