This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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