Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
