This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize