Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
