i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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