Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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