Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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