I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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