Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
