I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
