i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
