Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
