His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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