My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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