I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
