my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
