How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Randomize
