Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
