i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
