I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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