What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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