I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
