are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
