White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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