I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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