her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
