Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
