As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
