you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
