so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
