he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
