i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
