my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
FUCK WHALES
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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