Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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