my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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