overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
