i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
