I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
