Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
