I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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