I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize