I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
