She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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